A few years ago, I asked a godly couple to pray with me about some issues.  I was struggling with shame and self-condemnation. I also had a problem with being easily offended by other people, and reacting badly in the moment.  During this prayer time the Holy Spirit reminded me of the high school friend I mentioned in the blog “Absolution,” and a church retreat for the youth group I attended when I was in seventh grade.

I remember nothing about the retreat, except the long trip home.  I was sleeping next to a girlfriend, until noises in the back of the bus woke us up.  The eighth-grade boys were walking up the aisle and the pastor was standing behind them with a strange grin on his face.  He was clapping and encouraging them while the younger boys were chanting something. When they got to the middle of the bus, the first one jumped on me and started groping and slobbering me with kisses, then the next one and the next, until they all had a turn. I was the only target. After it was over, all the boys cheered.   

I don’t remember if there were other chaperones on the bus, but no one came to my rescue.  I was frozen in shock. There was no visible damage, but I felt so dirty. It seemed like my soul was splintered and my body was somehow, marked. A piece of me felt this enormous shame and another part felt a self-righteous indignation at the injustice.  What I did not understand was that the attack had robbed me of innocence and opened a door to a season of sin.  It also erased what little faith I had in Jesus at that point in my life.

James 5:16 say “Confess your trespasses to one another, that you may be healed.” Wounded people wound others, even pastors and those we call friend. Wounded people in the church are often reluctant to confess their sins to one another, out of fear of judgement. How, then can we be healed?  

As the couple prayed with me, they bore witness to my pain, and helped me see what had caused it.  We forgave my high school friend for grooming me for sexual sin. We forgave the pastor, not only for how he hurt me, but how he had stolen innocence and faith from those boys, and all the kids on the bus.  I repented for sins, past and present, that I had not been able to see before.  With the blood of Jesus and the word of our testimony, we erased the rights of the enemy to heap shame on me every time I made a mistake, and to light the fire of indignation under me at the slightest offense.  I felt those cleansed parts of me being restored to my soul.  “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1), so come to the table!